Monday, April 12, 2010

competitive knitting - the slouch

Disclaimer: This blog is an amalgamation of crap. Blog "fusion", if you will, to use a word I hate seeing on a dinner menu. Whatever interests the two of us at the moment will be spewed forth into the ethernet for all to enjoy/loathe/ignore. So bear that in mind, cuz I'm about to bore the pants off people who don't give a shit about knitting.

I'm a knitting addict. It’s getting fairly serious. I taught myself to knit a few years ago, easing my way into it with lots and lots of scarves. Just your basic garter stitch (knit, knit, knit, knit, yawn, repeat), using whatever yarn was cheap. I made a lot of uninteresting acrylic scarves and one blanket. Last year my sister-in-law told me how to knit on the round and make hats. This quickly morphed into experimenting with different stitch patterns, varying colors, and even (gasp) fair isle knitting, though not quite successfully….yet.

Many head-hugging beanies later (go to etsy to see), I’m now testing the waters with more fashionable knitting. But still hats. For now. I’m having too much fun with slouch hats, modular hats, cloche hats, sideways hats, and berets. Lots and lots of fun. Unfortunately I can’t get any of them on etsy yet, because people keep claiming them (a-holes). The slouch is great because it doesn’t damage your carefully styled coiff. It sits loosely on the head and it’s so floppy it barely touches your hair. Hat-head free. Here are a few I’ve finished.

This one is modular, meaning it’s knitted in different parts and joined together. The band is knitted straight (like a kitten-sized scarf), in a stockinette stitch pattern. The hat is formed from the edge of the band, picked up and knit with ‘poof’ added in a textured stitch. A lovely vintage-inspired brass leaf button finishes the band, making it look like it might be adjustable (deceptive – it’s not). The varying colored yarn is 100% wool, but extremely soft. I traded this for a fabulous vintage box-purse I was coveting. Thanks Auntie Jonelle!

This is also a modular hat. Brittany saw the previous one and had to have one just like it, but completely different. The muted purple yarn is a wool-acrylic blend because Brittany has a sensitive widdle forehead and needs something entirely un-itchy. Constructed the same way as the previous hat, the band is knitted flat separately in a ribbed stitch (looks cool going sideways) and finished with a wooden button. The hat itself is made in a textured stitch that carries all the way to the crown. I gave this one away for a pot of tea. And cuz I love her. (kickass photo courtesy my Mom)

This one is supposed to look vintage. The band is not knitted flat like the others; it was started like a regular ole hat but not joined together until the white wool came in to play. The hat is knitted in the cell stitch, which is lacy and interesting. I obviously really like having the band look adjustable, with a little overlapping flap finished with a button. This is another vintage-inspired (meaning not at all vintage) button I picked up.

This was my prototype poofy hat. It was knitted in one round piece, with the band in a ribbed stitch and the hat in a wavy eyelet stitch. The yarn is old and I lost the label for it, but I think it’s wool with a strand of metallic yarn integrated in there - the color varies too. Kinda chic. I’m considering keeping this one for myself.

I’ve got big plans to branch out into fingerless gloves and arm warmers, purses, and other fun things, but for some reason I just can’t drag myself away from hats…despite the inconveniently warming weather. It’s my hard drug at the moment, keeping my shockingly idle hands busy while comfortably filling the void between dinnertime and bedtime. Time that would otherwise be spent in an intolerable state of nothingness. Or worse, housework. Screw that, man. Screw that. So instead of forging ahead in new territory, I’m perfecting the hat. I’m using more natural fibers (baby alpaca is my new fave) and working on making something people will actually want to wear, as opposed to just making.

Oh, and the heads. You may be asking yourself where one finds heads such as those beauties. It’s not as difficult as you may think. As a general rule, I don’t particularly like humans, so an inanimate alternative seemed the way to go. The blond is Delorean and the brunette is Volvo. And they’re both raging sluts.

Monday, April 5, 2010



We're LIVE!

Sup bitches. Long time no blog. We've been meaning to do this for a long time, but we are really lazy people. I'm talkin lay-zee. Finally getting our shit together (for now), and here it is. We give you...


A hodgepodge of crafts, food, mocking people to make ourselves feel better, and good quality filth in general.

You may know us both from our now defunct food-related blogs, which we will not link to, because shut up we're over it.

Brittany makes people fat. Making her dough by literally making dough. Sometimes she'll post recipes and such. But she's also a drivel junkie: Robsten! Brange! Heidi Montag's gross boobs!

So unfortunately, she will also litter this blog with total rubbish.

Brooke makes grandma shit in her spare time. During the day she sits on her tookis pushing paper, but come 5pm she's rockin the knitting needles better than your great-aunt Doris. And sometimes she cooks too. Her etsy shop is here: Go buy something, asshole. With respect.

We are delighted if this thing of ours in any way amuses you (and if so, you should probably be ashamed of yourself), but it's basically a setting for the two of us to behave like d-bags. We are terrible, terrible people who will most likely offend you and this blog should not be read by anyone.

We'll try to post often, but don't hold us to it.

Again, lazy.

PS- hey Peter! SUCK IT.

PPS- everyone go read Peter's blog.